what is it

that I think is inside me that I need to get out?

this is where I go when I need to cry my fucking eyes out,
spit all the fucking words out,
& spill my guts out,

but can't.

It hurt last night.
it hurt when she asked.
and it hurt when I had to lie to her,
to make myself feel better.

I wish I didn't have to lie.
I wish I could be honest, and open
and I wish I had friends to share good laughs with.

I am so emotional detached from everything I know.